blurry lights and a new adventure

She kept telling herself not to let her emotions get in the way, she kept telling herself to pull back and she kept trying to convince herself that she didn’t want anything to come from this, but every time she looks into his eyes she see’s something she has never seen before. She sees happiness, she sees future and she see’s him smiling at her because she is staring. She would usually look away but no, nothing scares her off this time. She accepts all her feelings for the first time and smiles, then snuggles her head into his arm that’s resting on the gear stick.

He is driving the car but she trusts him enough  to put his arm around her and lay herself across the gears so her feet are on the seat and her head is on his lap.  She just snuggles her head into him, and watches the lights from the lampposts shine through the window screen one after another with happiness in her eyes. She just drifts off wondering how mad it is that everything has come together. That she landed here on his lap of all people in the world, yet she is the most content, relaxed and complete she has ever been. Then the red glow from a traffic light.

With a free hand he strokes her cheek gently and she looks up at him with sleepy eyes,  he is looking down at her. “keep your eyes on the road!” she exclaims. It doesn’t matter how much she trusts him he can’t drive when he can’t see where his going.  He just smiles and says “but your too beautiful.”  She smiles but giggles to her self on the inside and she feels her self blush. Distracted by the lights as they start to pass by again she pictures going away somewhere for a weekend just him and her. She has done this in the past but there was always apprehension that something would go wrong, with either the company or the tent, money, food, decisions. There was always the anxiousness that something would happen to make it imperfect, but here she couldn’t help but think  there would be nothing that could go wrong. They couldn’t argue about anything, they are too similar, always on the same page and if they weren’t, it wouldn’t take the other long to catch up. If they went camping,  putting up a tent would actually be fun. If they disagreed it would be funny and they would laugh about it.  If it was cold they could sleep cuddled up to each other and what do do in the day would be a dream not a chore. To have no imperfections would be perfect. She could see it all in front of the blurry lights, and all to quickly they stopped being blurry. It was time for her to go.

“Can we go away somewhere?” she asks
” Yeah sure,where? in the UK or outside the UK?” he replies
“Inside. Ireland?”
and so the perfect adventure begins…

Everything happens for a reason.

“Everything happens for a reason” is not usually a quote that she finds truth in.  However, recent events in her life have proved otherwise.

It seemed to her that she had lost something very wonderful, unique and brilliant. She felt lost and empty and just wondered through the days, until the truth smacked her in the face. He had confirmed her worst nightmare, and all of a sudden it was like someone had shook sense into her. She could see what had truly happened, to him, to her, to them. It wasn’t right and she wasn’t herself. She had never been herself around him, and she had lost herself.  The notion of not being herself was something that shook her to her core. It terrified her that she lost her way, and it was very strange how she had become so lost, so fast, so easily. Her one true moto she believes in, is being herself, for those who matter don’t mind and those who mind don’t matter.

 Having being told she is a sunshine child, she had to find her energy and shine through this black cloud. Behind a Storm lies a blue sky, just remove the black clouds and you will see the clear blue. She had to remove the black cloud that rained down on her fire.

Fire is pretty much useless against water, but friends fueled the fire and one person in particular gave her an umbrella.

He gave her a smile and a laugh and a future too. He gave her the possibility of what she has always wished for, what she thought only happened in fairy tales. With her new hope for a brighter future, the rain ceased. Leaving  a flood in its wake, to which they both put on their wellies and splashed around. Together they knew the storm wasn’t over it had just settled, the dark clouds still hovered overhead. They would only clear with time.  Time that would be spent living, smiling laughing and loving.

What was once so alive  turned so evil, A good thing turned bad but something better came from it.

 

Good things fall apart so that better things can fall together

“I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they’re right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.”

- Marilyn Monroe

 

 

Hot chocolate

The smell of coffee, the clanging of cutlery in the back  and the noise of the steam from the coffee maker created a nostalgic feeling as she sat at the high chairs in the coffee shop. From there seats she felt tall, and could see the trains coming and going. She notices next to her two chairs down a father and daughter. A relationship she couldn’t help but pry upon.   The father was sitting reading his newspaper occasionally looking across acknowledging his daughter. his daughter sits happily in her white skirt, and pale pink t-shirt, her bright pink jack provides a comfy cushion and booster seat allowing her to see out the window.  Her fathers newspaper blocks most her view but the girl didn’t seem to mind, her attention was in her giant hot chocolate in front of her. It had all the trimmings;  marshmallows, cream, sprinkles and biscuits.

A treat, one that her own father used to get her. The way the child spooned out the cream first and left the marshmellows because she knows there the best part, reminded her of how she used to devour her chocolate treat. After the creams gone and the marshmellows start to melt, the child then comes up with inventive ways to dunk her biscuits. She puts them onto the spoon and lowers them into the chocolaty liquid until it sinks, from there straight into her mouth with her legs kicking with the excitement of her achievement.  Next, feeling confident that the drink is cool enough she holds the handle and tilts the tall glass towards her, slowly, slowly, until the marshmellow touches her lip. She shakes her head with surprise and giggles.

When your that small, tilting a big glass takes skill. Just watching the little girl reminded her of how much skill it took. It was such an effort manage such a large glass that was as big as your face.  Heart strings were tugged when she heard the girl say “daddy, look.” and she showed her dad her marshmellow mustache. “would you like a marshmallow?  There melting, aren’t they?”

With that, she got out her Iphone and scrolled through contacts and rings ‘daddy’.

” Hi dad, sorry I’ve not called in a while. How are you?” she listens to the comforting voice of her own father as she sips her own hot chocolate in a take out cup, without the trimmings. She only has those on special occasions.

Reality Bubble

Ever felt like your living in a bubble?  A bubble of protection? of love?

Whatever your bubble contains it’s a strange feeling.
Its not like your trapped, but its like your floating. Floating above reality without a care. It feels good inside your bubble, so good that you don’t even think about the world beneath. The bubble becomes your reality. It’s only when it bursts and you come crashing down to earth that you realise this cold hard surface is reality.

I guess what goes up must come down, but  it can always go back up again right?

Tiny Tab on Two Wheels

Fundraiser profile page – BT MyDonate.

 

Waking up alone in a bed is never a bad thing.

Some photographs to her are a way of making permanent the things which amaze her in the world.  A portrait, can hold that person and their emotions within the time that photograph was taken. People change, but that original image never will and the connotations will forever be there.

A simple picture of a woman lying in a double bed alone has no emotional attachment to a random anon, but add into the mix that it was taken by her boyfriend, that he took it because he didn’t want to leave her to go to work. It suddenly gets 1,000 likes. It then gets a thousand more because he has tagged it with the word #perfection and it gets a further thousand more likes because he wanted to share what he had with the world.

That image says a lot more than a girl in a bed. It says, ’she is my world and I want to keep this forever, this part of my life and I want the world to know I am happy, that I am lucky.’

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Nobody is perfect, but one day someone will think she is, and he won’t let her go.