“can i have my earphones back”
He still had one thing that was hers, and she decided it was time to cut all ties. She asked for the earphones back with an unearthed confidence. He was busy, so she waited as the cold December air made its way through the layers to her skin. She lent against wall, feet together and face snuggled, tucked away in the green scarf she had brought earlier that day as a sign of a new start.
She assessed every person that came from the direction he would, she assessed their silhouette to see if it was him.
‘stay strong, stay strong. Why is he making me wait? why is he waiting to meet me? Does he want to talk? No, he wouldn’t. He is just making me wait, oh, why am I waiting? why am I not just at his door asking for them?’
“why did you ask to meet me?!”
She blurts out as soon as she sees the silhouette that matched her memory. The fluffy hat, the hands in pockets, the walk. It was him, and she had just shouted at him. nice start she thinks to herself.
He ignores the remark. “How are you?” She had promised herself she wouldn’t text him again, and she had gone one worse and arranged to meet, she just wanted what she needed and then she wanted to go. “can i have my earphones please?”
He said he wouldn’t give them to her yet, and asked if she wanted to go on a walk. He said he wanted to get out the house.
“I miss you more now i’m with you… I think I want you back”
This was the last thing she wanted to hear. It made her heart beat quicken and her cold skin warm as it made her think about them being ‘together’. Snuggling, holding hands, sharing films, sharing presents around a Christmas tree wearing ridiculous jumpers, sharing sickeningly nice compliments and sharing the one thing that would change everything, a kiss.
After days of not being her usual happy bubbly self, she had decided that enough was enough. She is who she is and she wasn’t taking him back, he had hurt her and she wasn’t going to make the same mistake twice, she had accepted that he didn’t want her, and she had dealt with it.
Now he was back and she needed to deal with that.
She needed to deal with his hand knotting itself in her hair, making a tingling sensation run down her spine, and further.
She needed to deal with how he would spin her round mid walk and make her dizzy from all the tumbles and flips the gymnasts where doing inside her stomach. How she would feel urges, when he would be milometers away from her face so that the electric could be felt with just the slightest touch of his nose against hers.
She dealt with it by pulling away, it was to much.
The force, the attraction was pulling her further and further towards him, and it pulled at the corners of her mouth too. He made her smile.
An dangerous smile, a smile that let him in, into her arms. As they hugged at the waters edge, water was falling down her cheeks and his. It felt so right to be there. It was all moving to fast and she noticed how her head fit perfectly under his chin. He held her tight and wouldn’t let her go kissing her head, and she just closed her eyes and let herself go, but she didn’t feel safe.
it was 1:30am and she knew what he was saying only an ‘I think’ not an ‘I know’. She knew she wasn’t fully there in his arms, it was like she knew it was a dream before she had even woke up.
she said... 